Definition:
Female parents or custodians who provide primary care for one or more children alone. They often work more than 40 hours a week while carrying the full responsibility of cooking, cleaning, and nurturing their children.
Statistics:
- 57% of single mothers are living below the poverty line; for those who are younger than 25, the number increases to 85%
- 78% of all single mothers are employed; 45% of them hold down more than one job
- there are 10 million single mothers with children under 18 in the USA
Personal Impact Story
Pam has already hit the snooze button twice. She is in the habit of setting her alarm clock twenty minutes early. That way she can hit snooze four times before she rolls out of bed, and enjoy nearly twenty full minutes of uninterrupted time so she can loiter in and out of sleep, or think, if she wants to. She could use a strong cup of coffee but is afraid she might get another migraine. There are no more sick days to book off at work for the rest of the month. She can’t afford to miss another day.
Pam goes through her mental list, another early morning ritual. She thinks through all the activities of the day, once the kids are fed, cleaned, dressed, and in the car:
- drop Chelsea off at Day Care, make her promise only to phone her at work if it’s an emergency
- drop Tanner off at school
- stand behind a cash register for eight hours, smoke endlessly during breaks
- pick up the kids, promise them they won’t have to go to after-school Day Care much longer
- take the kid’s to swimming lessons, resist fear of drowning
- dinner (make something quick, something easy)
- drive-thru at McDonald’s if/when Tanner refuses to eat
- fight the urge to swear or cry in front of the kids
- help Tanner with his homework – how can they give homework to a seven year old?
- convince Tanner homework is more important than Cartoon Network
- give Chelsea a bath and tuck her into bed, pray to God she doesn’t ask ‘when is dad coming home?’ again
The alarm clock rings for the fourth time. Pam forgets her abbreviated list for the moment. She can hear the TV from the other room. Tanner is already awake.
Pam tramps to the bathroom and looks at herself in the mirror, pulls and pushes at skin. She wishes she could wash the least three years out of her face. She pulls her hair back into a ponytail, and pouts at herself. Her body is slipping away.
She makes eye contact with herself, only briefly, then watches her own lips move as she wonders out loud, “What happened to you, girl?”
Pam sucks in her cheeks and tosses her hair, pretends to be young again, then laughs at herself. “Better make that cup of coffee,” she mutters. It’s only Monday.
*the above story is based on facts but is fictional, for actual statistics order 30 Days of Prayer for the Voiceless today
Hi – I’m a very recently single mom and until I was 7, my mom was a single mother, too, after my dad passed away in a plane crash while she was pregnant with my brother, their 3rd child.
Some moms are single because they have to be, others are single because they choose to leave relationships that are damaging to themselves and their children. No matter what the reason, it’s terrifying, lonely, and involves unending hard work.
One thing I have been so blessed with is to have supportive parents who live nearby. My daughter and I live with them now, and although I am working, we can’t afford to live anywhere else. My second daughter is due in October. I trust God will open the doors for a future for us, but it’s really scary to think about all the implications of supporting two little girls by myself. It seems selfish to even pretend I have any dreams or aspirations of my own.
I think single moms need support from somewhere. Financial support is needed, but even somebody taking an interest in your welfare and your children’s welfare is a huge deal. Somebody to talk to, to give parenting advice, to help you plan for a real future, somebody who will HELP OUT WITH CHILDCARE while you go to work to support kids, or just to babysit when you need some time to yourself, because that’s a luxury not often allowed.
There are so many people in the church who are older, maybe retired, maybe just happily married or who have survived single mother/fatherhood. Couldn’t some of them reach out to single moms? Help in any way possible, whether with spiritual, emotional, physical, or financial support? It’s such a church taboo to be divorced, but it’s also a reality, and the last thing a single mother needs is to feel guilty about the fact that her relationship fell apart, or didn’t exist in the first place.
Single mothers are everywhere. God says He is our shepherd. “He gently leads those that have young”. He won’t abandon us! I am lucky to have support, and I’ve got to find a way to get some support for others whose situations are so hard, who love their children to death and who do it all alone.
Thanks so much for pointing out that this really is an issue and it really needs a voice!
Hi, I’m April and I too often wish there was more help for single mothers. I am a single mother of three children, ranging from the ages of 7 years old to 9 months old. I have no family support and minimal friendship support I battle with depression on an hour by hour session. I believe single parenthood is an issue that should definitely be addressed a lot of mothers in this world are in desperate need.
Thank you for sharing information and stories of single moms.
I am a single mom of 3 children. I didn’t choose this lifestyle. It is not what I dreamed of my life. I want to do the best for my children from 2-11. However, I am so overwhelmed I am not sure what I am doing anymore. I work full time and try to balance work, 3 kids wanting your attention, dinner and after school activities. All the single moms know when they are sick you miss work ect ect. I feel guilty much of the time. I have no support and no family near by. I also have no time to build real friendships. Dont get me wrong I have friends and family but they live far away. I am not sure what to do anymore. I want my children to grow up and be able to have a heathy relationship, but how can they do that if they have no role model…there goes that guilt thing again. I guess I would love to know how to balance it all and still enjoy life??? I want to be a great mom, but I am a mess!!! How can I raise 3 kids when I cant even raise myself??? I am feeling very overwhelmed and I was wondering if there was anyone else in my position that can give a girl some motivation?
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I am a single mom of a great 10 year old boy. I did not choose this life for him or me either. We are truely by ourselves with family 400 miles away. Some days can be so hard and it seems no one around us has a clue. Other parents comment what a good parent I am and how strong I am, and then they complain about how hard their life is taking care of a child. I don’t complain – would not want to subject my child to that, but some days are SO hard! I have no time for a social life and wouldn’t know how to even begin to socialize anymore. My son does great in school and is well behaved, but he has no men in his life… no role model. The neighbors & acquaintances who know my situation never offer to shoot a few hoops, talk sports, or anything. Some days when I’m overwhelmed and find myself fussing at him I think he would be better if I let his uncle raise him. But then I can’t imagine not seeing him. I just hope I’m doing what’s best – and it’s hard to know when you’re alone! Hang in there single parents – it is hard, but our children are worth it! Thanks for listening.
Hi, I’m also April (read another post by a mom named April). I can relate to a few of the posts for sure. I am a single mom of a 5 year old beautiful girl (been just me and her for 3 years, except a live-in boyfriend at one point but it didn’t end up working out so back to single), and I am trying to reach out and find other single moms who are going through the same things. I work full-time Mon-Fri, 9-5 (administrative assistant) but barely make enough to pay rent and basic necessities.
I have been struggling for years and live with daily frustration, feeling overwhelmed, and uncertain of how to get ahead..uncertain as to how to start living instead of surviving, has taken it’s toll on me. I hide my tears from my daughter, smiling the usual fake smile that only turns real when she does something funny, cute, or sweet, or loving and squeezes me tight and says she loves me, reminding me why I love her so much.
I am in a boring job I hate but I have to stay because of the benefits. I have no family close by (20 hours drive away!), and my friends I have are great but they either cannot help due to their own family issues, or they also live too far. The stress of work/commuting an hour each way on a JAM-packed subway/bus each day is increasingly causing me to grow bitter. I struggle with trying to keep up with rushing to pick her up from daycare (often late which means $1 every minute late), cooking dinners, preparing meals/snacks for lunch, bathtime, bedtime routines, then cleaning up/dealing with stressful bill paying, calling family/friends who are far away to keep in touch (or emailing when my computer works!), and trying to force myself to go to bed early (can’t sleep due to stress/worrying/frustration/overwhelmed) and doing it all over again. I get every other weekend free when she is at her dad’s (who doesn’t pay child support, and who won’t sign the custody agreement so I have to pay the lawyer $ to fight that in court now!) and although I appreciate those free weekends, I usually spend it calling people to see if they are free to do something fun (they are usually busy!) so I instead spend it doing what I do during the week..cleaning, playing on the computer or grocery shopping etc.
I just realized I have Adult ADHD and it explains a lot about how I am/feel, so I’m hoping I will soon be diagnosed and get help with it so I can get back on track. All in all, so many single moms go through the same thing and grow tired of hearing the phrase “Hang in there, things will get better!”, and “You’re such a good mom and so strong, you are a good role model for that!” and all those nice and supportive things people say, that just really don’t help in the moment, when we need real solutions, and real solid help.
So.. if anyone needs not just a shoulder or an ear to listen, but someone to try and THINK of a way to make things better… let me know. I’m trying to find a PRO-ACTIVE support group for single mothers who are struggling. Good luck to all of you!!
Hi, I am also April. And like so many others I did not choose this lifestyle either. I was married to my son’s father for three years (with him for 5). I left him because he is abusive. Though I am grateful for my new found freedom, being a single mother to a very young child is so hard. I am also active duty military (marines) and this makes it even harder. No, they do not keep you form deploying or give you special treatment because you have a child !!! (I have done one combat deployment and will be doing more until my time is up) I am not saying they should, but I do get asked this alot. Everyday is stressful. To have back up to my bak up baby-sitter and always wonderig what is going to happen next. Will I need to come in early tomorrow or say late? I worked 24 hours straight last week! I know I shouldn’t be complaining. I am lucky. I have medical and a steady paycheck. I just wish there was a support system. I do date sometimes but have found men think of me as the poor lonely single mother steriotype and only want to see me when my son is not with me or asleep which I think is not only innapropriate but also very sad. People tell me all the time that I’m a good mom but somehow I don’t think that is completely accurate. I am surviving. Just surviving.
Hello,I am so glad that i found this website. I am a single mother , recently divorced, raising 3 children ages 1,2,and 8. I did not plan for this to happen to my family. My ex husband just up and walked out on us. I work part-time, attend school full-time. I sometime dont know which way im coming or going. I was looking for advice to help me get through this phase of life. I am 29 yrs old, but my body feels like im 50ys old. I sometimes feel like giving up, no more sick days at work, im one pink slip away from a call off. I dont sleep and when i do I feel like ive done something wrong. Pleas give some advise to a sista!
My name is Julie. I have a 3 year old son and i care for an adoptive cousin (autistic) who is now my brother. I still live with my mother and my father past away 2 months ago at the age of 47 with cancer in his bones. My mom works about 14 hour days and is too busy. I also have to take care of my 76 year old grandmother who has a tumor in her stomach. It just seems like whenever i have an opportunity to get myself on my own two feet something always happeneds. I just lost my father and i dont have the strenght to lose my grandmother and i feel like im slipping with my son. He is only three and i feel just as helpless as he does. It seems like i cant keep up. I want to work and be with just him but I am forever helping everyone else… when all i want to do is just get out of this prison. I know people tell me to just work on myself but its hard (eaisier said than done). Some time i feel like no one understands me. They didnt see the hurt when i had to care for my dad or watch him go or talk to my cousin/brother. They didnt see the tears when my son keeps asking for grandpa. How AM I SUPPOSE to deal with all this. Im only 22. Im suppose to deal with my son and my self not everyone elses problems. I feel trapped. Its my duty and my obligation to take care of the people i love but its tearing me apart. I cant keep living like this. Its fusterating when everyone is against you. I just have nobody else. The rest of my family is still useless. I have no friends that care. I need help and i need help soon!
Julie, I was about to submit a saga of my single mother life hoping to find some sort of encouragement. I know you are hoping for someone to provide the secret for happiness and the way…I am touched by your reality and I don’t have words to inspire only to let you know you have inspired me today. I went to church today seeking God’s wisdom…the message was about answers to our prayers…the response is never a quick definitive only No, Slow, Grow, or Go. Only God knows when your time for your prayers and needs will be answered. I speak this b/c I too am waiting and often tired but I have faith He will be with me and with you even though it may feel the energy and strength to persevere are without reserve. Faith and hope and lots of prayer sound intangible but will reveal tangible for our children. God Bless you. You are an amazing person esp. for 22.